Inequality always appears in our life under the disguise of the so-called norm. Norm is a real threat to equality for all, as it makes allowance for unfounded bias, embeds in us humans the thought that such actions are acceptable and normal.
So the same goes for our family. My father has a really likable character. He always cares for his wife and children, little by little. No matter how serious or trivial the situation is, if it poses a potential threat to the safety of my mother and us, he would take it seriously. Anime lovers would definitely classify him as “tsundere”, one that is spiky on the outside yet warm on the inside. One time my mother accidentally cut herself, and as you might expect, my father’s initial action was insulting her for being so stupid and careless. Then, he went to the pharmacy right away, wearing a not only weird but also embarrassed singlet, and bought her some bandages though she constantly said she didn’t need it, and though there was COVID 19 then. He himself took care of her injury and banned her from the kitchen work so as not to hurt herself again.
Frankly speaking, I love my father and I know he loves us a lot. However, he is only a human who has been influenced by culture, belief, and “norm” for half of his lifetime. Thus, he also holds a rather biased view on the role of women and men in the family (and surprisingly, my mother doesn’t seem to be up against it but rather accepts it as truth and urges me to do so). From his point of view, as he is the main breadwinner of the family, his partner has to play her duty of all household chores. Besides, during daily conversation, he has the invisible power, by which I mean that his voice weighs the most. He is always the right one, the most logical, and would refuse to accept ideas from others. It is not spoken out loud, but his actions imply a message that “you woman knows nothing”. What makes me even more furious is that my mother would just let herself be treated as a fool (noted that she used to be an outstanding student during school day, not any school but a school for the gifted).
Yet perhaps the most disturbing situation is when my father gets home after some drinks with his friends, which is again, another disappointing “norm” in our society. The husband would go out for some alcohol with his friends, claiming that doing so is only to build up relationships that might help him at work, or that it’s just basically the work of the man, a way to show off man power. But the problem is he only comes home at midnight or even later. The wife usually never gets the chance to hang out with her friends, as she is busy taking care of their children for the husband to do so. Thus, her life revolves around only her small family. She would get upset waiting for the husband to come home, so she would call him. Unfortunately, such doing is not considered as “care” by men, but rather “annoyance”. Those men who came home when his wife called are regarded as a coward, not the-man-of-the-family. Then on his arrival at home, they would have a bitter quarrel, curse the other to death, and when things get out of control, the man would take advantage of his strength and turn to violence. After the big fight, the husband goes to sleep, and forgets all about it the next day while the wife endures the pain, which slowly grows into a scar.
During these quarantine days for COVID 19, my father stays home often so such fierce fights seem like something forgotten in the history. Still, what I’m trying to convey is that a really nice person, who believes in equality for all, might unconsciously become the offender due to the “norm”. Therefore, one with wits must always ask themselves whether their doings are right or wrong.