A relationship is an association, involvement, or a close connection among people. In order to achieve a “healthy” relationship, respect and equality are the two bare necessities. However, in a heterosexual relationship - a romantic and/or sexual relationship between a man and a woman, is it possible for the woman to foster trust, interdependence, and compromising in the relationship with the man? Given the fact that both sexes are still under the influence of patriarchal norms, questions are asked and thoughts are provoked.
Stereotypically, men are the default breadwinners of the family. They are expected to single-handedly carry the economy, work hard, and bring money home. Meanwhile, women are conventionally natural caregivers. The expectations are that they stay home, take care of the children, and complete household chores. The past conception of wives economically dependent on their husbands has cast an inferior image on women. The sexist ideology does not stop there. The majority of heterosexual women, scientifically confirmed, prefers the cliché “tall, big, handsome, rich” kind of guys. The bad boys in your Wattpad fanfictions. The Christian Grey to your Anastasia Steele. This is mostly owing to the fact that our brains and preferences are shaped by the underlying historical patriarchy and subliminal misogynistic. They are there, and they are so subconscious that we can barely acknowledge it. Consequently, men are regularly viewed as dominant individuals, showing traits such as in control and authoritative. Many women find those kinds of men attractive and desirable. We all know the fantasy of an overprotective and assertive boyfriend too well. Women, again, take the submissive role.
The influence is so powerful that some women might normalize men’s problematic behaviors. For instance, a woman thinks they are “fine” and “normal” because “that’s how things suppose to be” in a heterosexual relationship. She does not speak her mind much. She does all the cooking and cleaning because her man “works all-day” and as a female, she “has to” take care of the home, keeping it warm and cozy, although she herself also contributes to the family financially. Her husband is ignorant. The moment she enters this sexist world called marriage, she is on her own.
How can we improve the situation? Divorce does not always sound like a practical solution. Sexuality is not a choice either. Is the predicament really that hopeless for women? Changing one’s mindset has always been a difficult task, especially when they are on the opposite side because people tend to become defensive and easily offended. Moreover, part of the difficulty is men’s egoism and fear of losing power will potentially get in the way of a meaningful conversation and conclusion. They might refuse to listen and discussions might turn into arguments. Therefore, partners, in order to maintain the peace of their home, eventually regard the situation as immutable and accept it as it is. Or they will fight, further damaging their relationship.
As a consequence, women might find it hard to reconcile their feminism with their heterosexuality, and it is natural. Men need to accept the fact that they are the beneficiaries of the historical context of the patriarchal system, but their lovers are the victims - the oppressed, which are perpetuated to this day.